No Turning Back
by AnimeWolfGirl9
Summary: During the trials for the Cursed Gear, Yoichi had to face his nightmares, but by doing so, he discovered something even greater. Now there was no turning back.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing from Seraph of the End. Everything belongs to its respective owners.**

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No Turning Back

When their small group had stepped out of the elevator, Yoichi could already feel something was different. The air felt foreboding, which seemed fitting since they would either be coming out of this room with a Cursed Gear or they would be dead. The room was large and dark, with several giant masks hanging on the walls. Beneath each mask was a weapon; his eyes were instantly drawn to the bow.

 _Something that I could help with, but not be in the way._ The thought surfaced as he walked over to stand in front of it, seeing the black and green design. It seemed like a pair of eyes was staring at him, watching his every move.

Beside him, Yu-kun stood in front of a katana. Just looking at him, it seemed like his new friend was confident. And why wouldn't he be? He wanted to avenge his family. _Just like me; I want to avenge my sister._ The words seemed stuck in his mind though as he tried to imagine how he would do something like that. Avenging someone didn't mean you had to kill, right? Yu-kun had seemed to think otherwise.

"Once you touch the weapon, the test will start," Guren's voice echoed through the room. He nodded, reaching two hands out to lift the bow off of its resting place. Nothing felt different when he did so though. The brown-haired boy's mind started to wander. What would the test be like? How could he-?

Suddenly, Yoichi found that his eyes were closed. Noises – footsteps, he realized a moment later – were echoing from below him. His heart was beating quickly in fear. He felt another presence in the room and peeked out from beneath his partially-closed lashes, his eyes widening in surprise when he recognized the figure.

"Onee-chan?" he whispered, jolting a bit closer to his sister when he heard the footsteps grow closer. She hadn't said anything yet; instead, she swiftly guided him over to the bed, making him lean down on his knees. She pushed him under it, glancing back at the door.

"Yoichi, whatever you do or see, don't come out from under the bed," she gave him a stern look, one that meant total obedience, before she stood up. He could only see her bare feet now, bathed in darkness that his eyes were still adjusting to.

His heart lurched to a brief stop as he heard the doorknob turn. The footsteps were back, quicker this time, and the boy found that he could see them too. Dark boots belonging to a figure much taller than his sister came into his view.

His breathing halted to a stop and a distressed cry was strangled in his throat as the figure picked his sister up. Tears blurred his vision as something spattered to the ground, painting it red. Her body dropped to the ground as the figure exited the room, mocking words fading with the footsteps. He was left alone once again, with his sister's dull eyes staring at him.

"Onee-chan?" he whispered once again, the word barely coming out of him as his throat tightened. He was still afraid, still wondering whether the footsteps would come back and get him next, whether one was hiding above him right then…

"Saotome Yoichi, right now I am replaying your deepest memory," his sister's mouth moved, startling him. Her tone sounded almost monotone and the words didn't make sense to him. This hadn't happened… he didn't remember this…

"Onee-chan, you're alive?" he felt like he was viewing this from outside of his body. Maybe he had been wrong, his sister hadn't died at the hands of a vampire; she had come close to it, but… _That's not right either._

His sister gave him a smile, but it was one that mocked him. Her hands reached forward, dragging him out from beneath the bed. He could do nothing to resist, staying limp as the scene played out. " _She_ died, of course," his sister's words made his eyes widen.

Something seemed to click in the back of his mind. He didn't feel as small as he had been then, and he glanced down to see his normal school clothing on, not the clothes that he had been wearing that night. The figure in front of him looked like his sister, but she wasn't acting like her at all.

She walked over to the lone desk in the room, sitting down in its chair. As she began to play with the light, his confusion got the best of him.

"Who… are you?" the question seemed crazy to him. It was his sister he was talking to or at least someone who looked like her. Something about this memory seemed different though. Was he having a nightmare?

"You called for me when you touched the bow," she looked back at him as the light flickered off, "You wanted a Cursed Gear to avenge your sister, right?"

"Oh, yeah I was in the middle of the contracting test," he mumbled to himself, finding the pieces fall together. He glanced at the figure in front of him, giving him another smile while waiting for him to figure it out. "So you're the… demon?"

At his hesitance, her smile only grew. So he had guessed correctly, but… "That's a mean form to take," the brown-haired boy hadn't known what to expect when he came into the test, but he was quickly realizing that it hurt. It was playing with him as his sister.

"Well, you have a stupid-looking face," his sister's lookalike said in an amused voice. Despite the comment stinging, he found that he was quite used to it.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," it made him laugh the insult off, trying to find a medium-ground for this. Maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe he and his sister-turned-demon could work things out. Maybe they could even be friends…

"So, you want power." The girl turned in the chair, standing up slowly as she faced him.

"What?"

"I searched your heart but could find no strong desire for vengeance," she made her way towards him, making his doubts surface again, "All I could find was stability, gentleness, and love for others. All things that I hate."

As she looked up at him, he realized just how much smaller she was. Despite her size, though, her words spoke greater fathoms of fear through him. What did she mean; that he didn't actually want to avenge his sister? But that couldn't…

"T-that's not true!" he shook his head, stuttering a bit, "I want to avenge my sister's-"

"That's a lie. You're glad that you were at least saved," her words stung, forcing him to back away from her, "You hate conflict. You don't want your friends or family to die, but you refuse to kill anyone. 'Vengeance'? What sort of purpose do you hold in your heart, other than to kill? You are unable to get your vengeance just from that fact alone."

A dark mist surrounded her, causing him to back up further. He found that he wanted to run, but he couldn't. Once they had started the test, then they couldn't escape. They would either win or… _die. Am I going to die? I can't hurt her._

"So, let's make a deal," she faced him as the mist blotted out the room, "Let me get your revenge for you. Give me control, human!"

Her arm swung at him quickly, fingers pointed at an angle. Yoichi had never expected to feel the pain that came from the force of the impact. Her hand went through his chest, squeezing his lungs and making it hard to breathe. A scream left his throat as it consumed him. Tears spurred on from pain overcame his vision, and he still knew that, despite this, he couldn't hurt her. He didn't care if she looked like his sister or not; he couldn't hurt her.

The girl seemed to read his mind as she stared at him. "You don't even have enough will to fight back. You really are good for nothing." Her words made the tears fall as she stared at him. He felt his consciousness slipping as she withdrew her hand.

When he woke up, he was under the bed again, the scene replaying over and over. Instead of the demon talking to him though, it would end where his sister would die. He was constantly filled with regret, of how he couldn't save her. _I'm not strong enough._ The thought sent more tears streaming down his face. _I can't protect them._

The pain continued to get worse as time ticked away. He wondered how long he had been trapped in this cycle. By now, it felt like ages, like a never-ending nightmare. Despite the fact that there wasn't a physical wound, he still felt it in his heart.

" _It looks like Yoichi wasn't strong enough,"_ Guren's voice rang in his head, invading into the room as the scene started over again. Every time, Yoichi would find himself under the bed, waiting for the vampires to come. He closed his eyes as they opened the door, shutting them as tight as he could to try and block out the scene. Even as he did, it still replayed against his closed eyelids, causing him to sob. The vampires didn't take notice of him when he did though, and the scene would restart again.

" _Of course you aren't strong enough. You can't protect anything precious to you,"_ his sister's voice rang in his mind again, causing him to curl up beneath the bed. He didn't want to move, he didn't want the scene to restart again. He found that being in darkness would have been nicer.

" _Yoichi, snap out of it! Don't let the demon control you! Weren't you going to destroy the vampires with me?!"_ Yu-kun's voice invaded his mind this time, causing him to shut his eyes tighter.

"I don't want to hurt anyone. You said I would just get in your way." The brown-haired boy whispered, finding himself repeating the hurtful words that his friend had said when the vampire attacked the school.

" _But it is true,"_ her voice invaded again, mocking him when he tried to think otherwise, _"You would just be slowing them down. You can't help them."_

Somewhere beyond the scene he was viewing, he felt like he could reach something. Something faint, far away from him. He closed his eyes again and saw Yu-kun, wielding a katana. Words that weren't his flowed from his mouth, and Yoichi wanted to scream as the other boy dropped his weapon.

" _Do it. I promised that I wouldn't kill a comrade. I won't abandon them again,"_ Yu-kun's voice seemed much closer to him this time, numbing the pain he felt. _"And Yoichi, you can't kill me either. If you've lost family, watched them die in front of you, just like I have, then you won't kill me. So, snap out of it! Stupid Yoichi!"_

The words rang in his mind, making him unable to think. He didn't want to kill Yu-kun; he didn't want to hurt his friends…

" _Yoichi, are you going to stay under the bed and watch your family die again?!"_ Guren's voice made his eyes open in shock, forcing him to stare at the forever repeating scene. His sister shoved him under the bed, giving him a smile.

" _Yoichi, don't come out from under the bed."_

He watched her stand up, reaching towards her fleeting form. "I don't want to run away anymore," he whispered, taking one movement towards the edge of the bed, most likely where the vampires were waiting. Another movement and he saw light.

" _What sort of purpose do you hold in your heart, other than to kill?"_ the demon's words echoed back at him, forcing him to a momentary stop. What did his heart want?

"The power to protect those I care about… the power to destroy all my enemies… that's what I want from you, demon!" he shouted, reaching his hand towards the light. It blinded him as it filled his vision. Control filled him once again.

Something was released from his grip: a green arrow. It sped towards Yu-kun without any mercy, causing his eyes to widen at the scene. The arrow went past his friend though, hitting the ground harmlessly.

Maybe it was the fact that he was seeing something different than his nightmare or maybe it was the way Yu-kun had smiled slightly. Relief flooded him when he realized that the arrow had been close enough to kill, but it hadn't. One sob, followed by countless more, came from him as he threw the bow to the side and started running. He flung his arms around his friend, crying into the black-haired boy's shoulder before his relieved hug was accepted.

"All right. Good job on coming back." His friend's words were some rare form of praise and relief mixed together.

"Yu-kun…" The boy continued to sob, finding that he couldn't continue to speak. _I almost hurt you. I almost got everyone killed._

His crying stopped, however, when he heard footsteps. His eyes peeked open, seeing Guren standing there. He seemed to be smirking but why…?

Yoichi's instincts kicked in as he saw their instructor's leg move. The next instant, the brown-haired boy had pulled away, narrowly avoiding a kick… which was received by Yu-kun.

"You took too long coming back!" their instructor shouted; he knew it was meant for him, but why did Yu-kun get the kick?

"W-why did you kick me?" the black-haired boy asked the same thing, sending an accusatory glare at the older man before he collapsed.

"Yu-kun?" _Not again!_

Yoichi knelt down beside his friend, finding that the other boy wasn't completely passed out yet. That must have hurt though…

A foot grinding into his back made him turn around. "Ow." Guren was standing there, staring at him with a neutral expression.

"You have a gift, but feel guilty for not saving your sister. You lost your will to live, but you found it today, didn't you?" the instructor then turned to Yu-kun. "This is your new family. Put your life on the line for this one."

Yoichi knelt on the ground in shock. Sure, he could never forget his sister, but protecting his new family; that was what mattered. They would leave soon for Shinjuku on their first mission. _Now there's no turning back._

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Now, I feel like I haven't seen a lot of Yoichi either, so I figured after watching the latest episode that this would be nice. I changed dialogue a bit, summarized a few things, and included some in-betweens but I feel like it came out nicely. And I cannot believe how many times I had to write 'Yu-kun' or wanted to write 'onini' (or whatever they say as 'demon' in the show) :) Thank you for reading and please tell me what you thought in a review!

-AnimeWolfGirl9


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